Long ago we heard about couples celebrating thirty years union, golden jubilee, silver jubilee and the likes. It seems to be very many years ago as the rate of marriage is high and the rate of divorce is even higher. I have even heard the story of a couple that got married and separated on that same day of the marriage. The issue of separation or divorce has become the general rule rather than the exception; it is messy and bloody as couples wash their dirty linens in the eyes of the public. Ha! Celebrities always have the worse type of divorce especially when the press has a keen interest on the celebrity.
Now, I have constantly asked myself what is the cause of divorce in this present generation and a lot of answers flooded in from my observations of how people develop and run their relationships. The catchiest answer I could find to the problem of high divorce rates lies in what couples are not doing to preserve their marriage. The biblical command on marriages is ‘’wives be submissive to your husband and husband love your wives as Christ loved the church.’’ Hence, I would start from love, love is that feeling that makes you think of a particular person all the time, it brings out the passion in you, it makes you make sacrifice for your spouse, it is patient and kind and understanding and forgiving. It brings you closer to your spouse and brings depth to your relationship with your spouse. In sum, love as stated by Robert Sternberg is blended into three components which are passion or physical attraction, intimacy or feelings of closeness and commitment which means the decision to initiate and sustain a relationship. Why would couples go through the bother of exchanging marriage vows if they have no intention to keep it, ‘I love you’ means I love you enough to forgive you even when you upset me; I love you enough to be committed to you even when things are not going on well between us, because I know our love for each other would give us the strength to overcome it; I love you enough to be kind to you rather than turning you into my punching bag; I love you enough to understand that I cannot always have my way in the relationship; I love you enough to look out for own interest by including you in all my plans.
In my opinion, if ‘love’ exists in a relationship between spouses, the tendency to divorce the one you love would be nonexistent. However, most couples do not know the meaning of love even though they say it often to each other, hence the rate of high divorce.