And it continues …Your knight in shining armor

How about the tall, fair and handsome guys, how come ladies do not wish their Prince Charming to be tall and fair and handsome or short and average looking? As we all know beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. However, most times Nigerian comedians make so much money at the expense of ladies when they analyze a lady’s quest for prince charming.  The comedians often say  that as young ladies their  standards are high and can only be met in fairy tales and that when they advance in age and no man has proposed to them they lower their standards some much so that the more advanced a lady is in age the lower her standard goes. It might not be entirely true as one thing I know for sure about the woman kind is that they know what they want. They erase the romance when it comes to settling down. Some look for comfort and a good life style, hence the ability to marry a man who does not fall under the category of tall, dark and handsome but is very rich. Some marry the good-looking ones because they are already comfortable and do not need the man’s wealth; some marry the intelligent ones because they love to have a partner who would encourage them. Make no mistake; a lady’s knight in shining armor comes in different shades and sizes. Remember ladies are only moved by what they hear hence the smooth talker with a big pocket goes home with a very beautiful woman as a wife.

However, I do not agree with those ladies who uses men as a means to achieving an end, this is in view of the fact that a woman by nature is meant to be loving and romantic. The idea of marrying a man in order to obtain visa to another country is despicable when you do not love him but love his nationality. I guess women are also moved by the promise of a better life hence the issue of using marriage as a quick means of becoming rich. Little wonder an American Journalist in Nigeria in his tweet commented on the old European or American man who was very close to the grave dating a young and hot Nigerian teenager.


Ladies …Fairy tale Romance v. Real Romance: Your knight in shining armor




Cinderella & Prince Charming


Have you ever wondered why comedians are often lashing out at ladies when it comes to choosing a life partner? I guess it started with a lady’s idea of her ideal man. I was opportune to watch and listen to ‘Basket mouth’ speak at a wedding reception where he prayed for the single ladies to find a tall, dark, rich and handsome young man. But I do have a question; must he always be tall, dark and handsome as well as rich? Is the package not overwhelming? (Joking)

Women have great imaginations and their imaginations come alive when they are dreaming of their dream man or prince charming. I know women have exotic tastes but in reality their taste are defined by the luxury that would be lavished on them. Every woman loves to be spoiled rotten with expensive gifts, every woman loves to be taken care of and that makes them look for a man who is capable of providing for their needs. As teenagers they dream of prince charming to be tall, muscular, dark and handsome because they spent hours reading mills and booms and watching romantic movies.

Some women have defined the type of men they can date ranging from his profession to his looks and to the level of his wealth. It might surprise you to read that I am not left out in this blunder because as a teenager I grew up imagining my life partner to be a drop dead good-looking guy who must be taller than me. At some point I was only attracted to tall and dark guys (I wonder what was with the tall and dark ones) much later when I became an adult I realized that the looks were not extremely important. I realized that it was the vision, hard work and the ability to have a decent conversation, the ability to communicate, the ability to aim for the best, the ability to never tire of his presence that mattered most. I stopped placing great emphasis on physical appearance, right now I don’t care if he is light in complexion or not drop dead gorgeous (although it still matters because a lady must be attracted to her man) A friend once quipped that have I ever seen a relationship fall apart because the woman is taller than the man? That statement made great sense and was quite weighty.  Hence, friendship became the most important stuff to me in a relationship and if I can’t be friends with a guy, then dating that guy is a lost cause…

To be continued…

And it continues: Fairy Tale Romance v. Real Tale Romance


Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t care if a  Nigerian man or any other African man dates an European or American Lady  but the lady in question is quite advanced in age and she is also on the fat side (not too fat though) then she has wrinkles all over her exposed body (i.e. the neck, a bit of the chest and her forehead) she also had issues with her leg such that she was limping a bit, then she had some sort of sun glasses, so I could not really take a peek at her face in its natural state. Her companion (who might be her husband or fiancé) was on the other hand a tall and good looking hunk of a man, he held her hand and they walked into a popular place in Lagos. Most people shook their head and I am sorry to say that I was one of those who also shook my head due to the thoughts I and other onlookers shared (Thoughts that he married her for her money or to obtain the nationality of another country). And we commented on how he could have dated or married such a woman because of the gains he seeks. (Visa to her country, papers and the permanent residence permit or the nationality of the woman’s country) For all we know, that woman might be a grandmother who is bored to death with her life and is looking for some young love or fresh blood as I fondly like to describe it. I am only left with imaginations to wonder if the young man’s dream-woman is the visa to a European or American country so that the old lady is just a means of achieving this aim. I am damn sure that the old lady is not his dream-woman unless his dream woman must be old, wrinkled and have some kind of ailment. I guess his marriage to the woman is the real tale romance although some men have cut themselves better deal than his in their search for their desired life style.

Perhaps, after about five years he would divorce her and get married to his dream-woman. I guess giving up your desired woman for an available woman, whom you have to be extremely drunk before you can touch, is too high a price to pay. Then again, it is called real tale romance as most men have sacrificed their princesses on the altar of materialism, sensibility, societal pressure or pleasure. Am not sure many men out there ended up with the ideal woman they pictured in their head. However, the only difference is most men tried to turn their available into their desired such that they can’t tell the difference anymore and this still bores down to real tale romance. It becomes a story of converting what you have to what you really want or it becomes a story of being content with you have as long as it is manageable, but I am of the opinion that even all the spells in fairy tales are not enough to change that above described old lady into a ‘Cinderella’ for the Nigerian man.

Finally, men have learnt over the years to be flexible when looking for their Princess as Princesses comes in many forms, some might have the right character but not the beauty, some might have the beauty but not the right character, some might have the right character and the beauty but not the brain. Rare princesses combine the priceless qualities of beauty, character and brains.  Nevertheless, princesses do not come in the form of visa to other countries disguised in wrinkled skin and unattractive body wearied off by age. But in actual fact that’s the reality most desperate men find themselves in. Guys! Whatever the case maybe, make sure you always aim for your fairy tale princess so that at the end of the day your real tale princess would look more like a fairy tale. My final word is this: “learn to be romantic and have a blast, it’s not that bad out there.”


Fairy Tale Romance v. Real Tale Romance

Love is in the air, I can smell it and I can almost feel it but am not there yet, ha maybe it’s the weather and if you like call me an incurable romantic, but I have always fantasized on a lot of things. Love has not been left out in my fantasies as my imagination can be very wide and I am certain I am not alone in my imaginations as we all have dreams on the type of person we would want to date or get married to. It has always been referred to as “our dream man or dream woman or prince charming, or the knight in shining armor or the princess or the perfect woman.

I shall focus on men in this segment while the second segment shall focus on women. Now, before I start writing on and on about men, it would interest you to know a little bit about me. I am the type of lady who dreams and fantasizes for hours, perhaps it’s a gift as writing comes naturally to me and I heard that great writers have great imaginations, If this is really true then I am on my way to greatness. I have never really had a dull moment with myself as I fill it up with good imaginations of good food, good clothes, the love of God, the injustice in the world (especially Nigeria), poverty in Nigeria and of course love is also not left out in my imaginations, etc. Ok, let’s leave these topics for days to come.

Now, every man has a dream woman or princess or desired woman that they would like to end up with, some men think these women are way above their class due to their educational background, their beauty, their manners etc. Most men I have had the opportunity of having a decent conversation with have expressed their desires on the type of women they want as a girlfriend or as a spouse.  They have given me descriptions in full details ranging from her physical appearance -to most short men – a tall woman is the perfect match for them and to some very dark-skinned men- a fair complexion woman would do the magic –  Some men love their women to have the African stature fats in the right places such as the back sides and the hips as well as the front sides, while other prefer their women to be skinny or slim with some sort of shape – popularly known as the “figure 8” shape. Some men prefer their women to be heavily endowed with massive mounds of flesh in all parts of the body. Now whatever, the taste is, all men have a physical picture of their dream woman in their heads.  Men also have a picture of the character of the woman who they intend to date or wed, most men prefer peaceful women who can be motherly and homely, some men do not really mind as long as the woman is good to them, they don’t mind if she is nasty and cruel to others, some men only prefer their women to be beautiful and they don’t mind if she is not homely.

Now whatever the taste a man has, can this taste be said to only exist in fairy tale romance? Fairy tale romance as we all know are not real as they exist just in our imaginations unusual happiness which does not seem to have an end. Human beings cannot be happy all the time, there are times in our lives when we are filled with sadness, though not for long. There are also times when we have hitches in our relationships, when that special person does not seem special to us any more, when the dream woman becomes a reality and does not look all that nice as we imagined her to be. And so it is for the Nigerian man whom I spotted with an old maybe American or European lady.
To be continued...

Traditional marriage vs. Church marriage: The best option (Part 2)

Although both church and traditional marriages are marriages, most educated people prefer to be married under the Act or to be married in an accredited church because they feel church marriage or marriage under the Act is more superior to traditional marriages. This is not far from the truth as most women have better rights in the event of dissolution of marriage under the Marriage Act or in the event of death of their husband. On the other hand, men have better rights under native law and custom, as most native laws and customs in Nigeria are known to favour men to a very large extent. For instance, a man married under the native law and custom of his people has the right to marry a second wife and even a third wife or fourth wife if he so chooses. The custom of his people are in full support of such behavior, while a man married under the Act is es-topped by the Act from marrying a second wife when he is still validly married to the first wife. Further, a man married under the native law and the custom of his people need not share his property into two equal parts when he chooses to be separated from his wife. He can tell her to leave his house with no means of livelihood or no sort of maintenance especially when the woman in question bore him no children. However, this sort of treatment is not allowed under the marriage Act, hence it is advisable for women to marry under the marriage Act which is the cheapest form of marriage but the most expensive and most stressful to dissolve. Marriage under the Act does not necessarily require a woman to put a wedding dress as she could simply wear a gown, native attire or a suit depending on her taste. So, if a man is dreading the expenses of having a lavish church wedding after expending resources on his traditional marriage, he can simply take that lovely lady to the marriage registry and forgo the ceremonies of an elaborate church wedding. Finally, ladies the importance of marriage under the Act cannot be over emphasized and rather than postponing the marriage under the Act for the simple reason that you want your church wedding to be the best societal wedding, my simple advise is that you protect your rights as a wife and opt for a marriage under the registry depending on the means of your husband or your family.

Traditional marriage vs. Church marriage: The best option (Part 1)

I have a secret, I don’t like attending weddings, I don’t know why, I prefer seeing a movie or going to the beach to attending weddings. But there comes a time in every girl’s life where she has to attend weddings and the likes, I guess that time came in my life in the month of June. This is due to the fact that I had the opportunity to attend four weddings in a roll and in one month. So, it is official that I attended four weddings in four weeks, thus the month of June must be truly special.
People that dislike attending weddings like myself believe weddings are tiring, hectic and stressful. I totally agree but my attendance at the four weddings/traditional marriages gave me the time to ponder over weddings in Nigeria. In Nigeria, like in every other African country we have our culture and tradition and this can be easily seen in our way of life. Marriage is not left out when it comes to tradition, infact there are countless ways of getting married to a Nigerian girl depending on her ethnic group, but beyond this is the culture we inherited from our colonial masters called church wedding and/or marriage under the Act.
This form of marriage never existed during the era of our ancestors who were free men and lived their lives in accordance with their traditions. Presently, in the 21st century it becomes pertinent to ask: which type of marriage is the preferred mode of getting married in this generation? I know as a fact that some people prefer to get married in accordance with the culture of their people, in accordance with the English law and in the presence of God as well.

While every young couple desires to get married in the traditional way as well as get married in accordance with their religion, not everybody can afford it. As we all know getting married to a woman in Nigeria entails expenses and the expenses incurred by the man becomes even more if she is from the eastern states. Certain eastern states are famous for exuberant bride prices; sometimes the bride price involves buying food items and drinks for all the members of the girl’s village. Imagine being faced with this enormous task as a guy to buy food stuffs and drinks for virtually all groups ranging from the umunna*, umunne*, umuada* and the youths of the village as well as the parents of your bride. It gives the impression that you are getting married to the village. Anyways, that’s the beauty of Nigeria which is rich in culture and tradition. Now, after paying the bride price and performing the traditional ceremony, in the eyes of the girl’s family, you have married their daughter and she is free to live with you. The girl’s family cherishes the traditional marriage because it signifies that the girl has been rightly given out by her family to the man’s family. The girl on her part depending on her religion cherishes the church wedding where she is at liberty to show off her wedding dress and shoes and all other accessories.