The question men ought to answer: Can you marry a woman who already has a child for another man?




I must apologize for the long silence and I must confess that in my moment of silence when I failed to write I felt guilty and awful. I love writing and it aches me to always pass by an opportunity to voice out my opinion on a particular topic. But you see life is not fair and just like you I also have to work for a living and when that work becomes more stressful, I but for a brief moment forget about my precious blog. I hope you guys can understand, for I never run out of topics to discuss but I run out of time to write them.

One striking topic that has nagged me for months stemmed from a discussion I had with a friend, although the topic became clearer after that discussion I have always wondered why men make so much fuss about a woman who already has a child. Most Nigerian men cannot marry a woman who has bore a child outside wedlock. They usually refer to these women as “after one” or “tokunbo” (it means fairly used in local parlance). I discussed with my friend on this concept and it would amaze you that he does not mind marrying a woman who already has a child outside wedlock. We reasoned together that such women are much better because we can see the consequences of their mistakes. What of those women or ladies out there who has had uncountable number of abortions in order to protect their reputation and it turns out… Well, I leave the conclusion to your imaginations without provoking you to be judgmental. In Mozambique it is very common for women to have children outside wedlock and still get married to another man other than the father of their children. The best part of it is that the men do not feel bad that they are marrying a woman with children even though they don’t have children of their own before marrying such a woman. To my mind’s eye I see the answer to this question in personality and not in what a woman has done or in the number of children the woman had for another man. But I am not a man and I may not know exactly how other men reason on this issue, so I guess this is a question which must be answered by each man.


5 thoughts on “The question men ought to answer: Can you marry a woman who already has a child for another man?”

  1. Very well written, here in my country Afghanistan we have the same taboo, in my country virginity is very important for girls, even if the husband of a girl know in the wedding night that her new wife has no virginity he will divorce her, and after that there will be no one to marry that girl. The medical science reveals that virginity can be broken through several reasons not only with intercourse. That is such a shame and to change the behavior of men who is thinking like this is very difficult.

  2. Its not a taboo to have a child for another man. I will! In fact the lady should get some credit for carrying the child against all odds. That shows character, discipline, courage, and yes…morality

  3. Nice article, but as for as long as she is beautiful and still looking cute, even if had dozens already would still love and marry her….thanks dat my personal opinion no tradtion nor rules.

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