Category Archives: – Men and Women Category-


I came across a very touching picture… It said “A real man must choose to honour, respect…”

You can read the rest above. Are they real men out there? Its left for the women to assess their men and come up with the results. So whoever thought that in the institution of marriage there was no exams and assessments must be joking. For they are even carry over courses in love, honour, respect, adoration and faithfulness. There are even drop-outs in the Institution of Marriage. You can flunk the marriage.

All men can be real men because it is a choice. Some men would argue that they were not brought up that way, so they cannot adore a woman. They should know this then, a woman brought you to this world and a woman makes your life easier. It’s either you shape in or ship out. For there is no kingdom without a King and his Queen. No family without a wife and a mother.

So, guys what are you waiting for? Man up.



It all started with my desire to be independent when I was a teenager, that was 15 years ago. And 15years later, I am wondering why I made that decision. Although I know in my inner most being that it’s because I saw my Mom depend on my Dad for everything and it did not work out fine for her. Now I am an extremist in independency and that has not worked out fine for me either. Continue reading Fiction Wednesday: THE DIARY OF A HUSTLING MOTHER EPISODE 1 : I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF

Relationship with our children

From the first kick to the date of birth, we mothers have already developed a relationship with our babies, infact our relationship dates far back than the first kick.  Then at birth a different type of relationship is cultivated, one where the mothers give and give more of their time, a part of their body and tireless dedication to their babies. There are mothers and there are real mothers, for it is not  that difficult to become a mother but it is most difficult to be a good mother, a selfless mother who puts the need of her children before hers. I have a little confession to make here, before I became a mother, I did not really and fully grasp  the sacrifice, the hard work  and the enormous dedication in child bringing, that hurdle that a good mother must pass every time she  has a baby and as such I could not comprehensively  appreciate the role of mothers in the world at large. But now I sing a different tune, I see a different story, mothers could be domineering, annoying at times but its all for a reason, they are wired that way by  God. They are made to protect their children and in their eyes their children are always babies no matter how big or how well established that child is.

Despite the perseverance and the sacrifice made at the inception of life for a baby what matters at the end is the relationship that has been nurtured with the child. If a mother pushes her child away by her actions, utterances or the fact that she is unapproachable, no matter how many times she may scream and shout “I am your mother” “I carried you in my womb for 9 months” “I spent sleepless nights for you” It only fades away in the child’s memory or it all means nothing to the child because the relationship was never there in the first place, hence the constant fight.

It might be very difficult, children are bound to annoy their mothers and fathers or even hurt their Parents one way or the other but mothers should never shut the door to the relationship which was developed naturally at the inception of the child. Men do not get me wrong, you too can always develop a relationship with your baby at inception, I remember that my Husband towed that path by always talking to our daughter while she was in the womb.

Sometimes as I recall, he would say “shhhh” I am talking to my child. Many men can adopt this approach and also spend sleepless nights alongside their wives in other to cultivate a long, lasting and healthy relationship with their children despite the fact that they are not really wired for “vigil with babies”  as I so fondly call it.



The Mystery behind relationships

Hi guys, it has been ages since I wrote and I feel very guilty about it, the words kept coming, the right topics kept  passing by but I could not squeeze out time to put my thoughts in paper. Although the idea kept on taunting me but as we all know no one has time except we create it. I was once told that no one knows what goes on between a man and a woman who are behind closed doors. I verily believe that  different relationships have different strategies which makes it grow into a success story.

Love is  the key that open perfect doors in our relationship, for love is like a plant that must be cared for, it must be protected and it must be fed, it must be provided with sunlight and water to blossom and grow into an ageless beauty. In all of my years on the face of this earth and in all my interactions with old couples one thing remain constant in finding the secret to a long and lasting relationship and that is determination. Most times, we wonder what a tall and handsome saw in a woman whom we perceive to be ugly. We wonder if a young and beautiful woman married an old rich man for his money and not for the mere fact that she finds happiness with him or that he makes her laugh. Now we keep on wondering and the relationship keeps on growing and that is the mystery behind relationships. It is a function of both parties and not a function of what third parties think. You know some people will never marry a person who has not been scrutinized and approved by friends as if it is their friends that will become their bed mates and companion.

Nevertheless, we are the only ones who know why we choose that fat and short lady or that old man  for no one truly knows why we choose the partners we ended up with, no one knows if it was just out of frustration and the fact that one has given up on true love or prince charming or the angelic beauty men imagined to spend the rest of their lives with. That woman who has the perfect shape, who is soft spoken, who does no wrong, who is a chef in the kitchen and who has mastery of the sexual skills which can make a man smile for days unend. A woman who never demands for gifts or material stuffs, a woman who never demands for your time but always lovingly and willingly accepts you when you come to her. Well, now that’s some fairy tale which I truly don’t know if it exists in the real world as challenges will always bring out the worse and the best in us, it will push us in relationships to do unspeakable things and to do the best things in life.   Same goes for women, are we getting into a relationship with anyone just because we can’t seem to find the right man or we have lost hope on our childhood dreams of meeting that special man who may not be necessarily good looking but who treats us right, who goes an extra mile to serve us as his princess or who cherishes us and practically worships the ground we walk on.

In all these cases, one should never give up on his or her dream of finding the “one” or getting that person that suits our taste, completes our dream and most importantly gives us joy in all areas of our life for that is truly the mystery behind good relationships for it matters not what the world thinks as longs as that is the woman or man for you, go ahead and be a couple.


Affordable gifts : The valentine festival

We are all glad that the Super Eagles  of Nigeria made it to the  AFCON 2013 (African Cup of Nations)  finals, what a relief and the game between Nigeria and Mali was not only entertaining but fantastic. Thumbs up to our boys. And in the international friendly England won Brazil, I guess the Barclay’s premier league  has talented British players as well. A big congratulations once again to Super Eagles perharps our special valentine gift from them to Nigeria would be the Cup of Nations. I can’t wait to rejoice if we do receive such an awesome gift from the Super Eagles. Well done to Stephen Keshi our coach and all the technical team.

Valentine gifts varies depending on the size of our pockets and what we can afford at a particular point in time. We all know that the month of January is the longest month of the year and as a result most of us may not have too much to express our love in the form of expensive gifts. In my opinion, the price of the gift does not matter so much as to the manner in which the gift is presented. A simple valentine card with a N100 or N120 chocolate as the first treat on 14th of February goes a long way to show your devotion to your woman. For instance buy a card  of N400 or less, a bar  chocolate of N100 (Mars)( and if you have more money you can buy more) send same via Courier Service be it Red star Express or EMS or whatever you choose to patronize.( Red star express charges N500 for delivery of packages within Lagos State) send same on 13th of February to be delivered  to her on 14th of February and finally send her a text on the morning of 14th of February. ( With air tel a text cost as low as N4.00) A total of  N1,000 can be spent for this special day and she will love you for it. Especially when you are dating a woman who completely understands when you are not buoyant. Now that is as low as the celebration of love can cost with a coloration of romance in it.

However, where you have the means you can go an extra mile by sending her a valentine cake, cakes and cream should have affordable cakes that can sell for as low as N3,500, have the cake delivered to her office or her class or her hostel or her house address. Buy her a dress, you can get a lovely dress for as low as N3,500, ask her to wear the dress on the evening of 14th February, buy her a nice pair of shoes and ear rings to match the dress as well as a handbag   then take her out  for a romantic dinner at an affordable restaurant. Now here are more suggestions on affordable gifts that you can buy for your woman:

Jewelry – You know how we say that diamond is a woman’s best friend, we also say that diamonds are forever. A diamond signifies that you are ready to be her best friend and you are also ready for commitment.

Picture Frame- Put a picture of  you two to preserve the shared memory and present it as a gift, most women like to reminisce the time spent with their partner. That picture will be a treasured gift to her.

Jewelry Box is another valuable gift especially when she always complains about not having a proper bag to put her jewelries.

A set of shower gel, body cream, hand cream, shampoo and hair conditioner will also  do the trick.  Other gifts which are affordable includes paying for her driving lesson if she has indicated her desire to learn how to drive, buying her a dress, buying her those shoes which she has had her eyes on for so long, hair dryer, lingerie, handbag etc.

However, what is key in buying these gift is that you need to match your woman’s taste or else she will never use the gift.


Special gift : The valentine festival


There’s  the new thought and word in town that many men such as Romeo, Jack and even Jesus died for love, but no woman has ever died for love. Infact, they said that if women can’t give at least 10 names of women who died for love, then they wont be entitled to a valentine gift. Hilarious I must confess, does it mean that most Nigerian single  guys are trying very hard to avoid giving their lovers a valentine gift. Some guys have confided in me that the major reason why single guys are crying “murder” lies in the fact that  they have more than one lover. So, imagine duplicating the expensive gifts for about two or three women. Wow! Terribly and bloody expensive to maintain two women during valentine’s day. My humble opinion is you should stick to one woman. I know the guys out there are saying “what about  women who have more than one man” It is also insanely costly for women to maintain two men, imagine those women  sharing their body with two men on the same day such as  having intercourse in the evening with both men, the complication of lying and the risk of being caught by the other. And as for the married ones amongst us, am not sure buying a gift should make you agitated as long as you are married to one wife and I mean one wife in every sense of the word. Not one wife and a concubine and  not one wife and three concubines. *wink*

Anyways, as we are approaching February 14th , I believe it is time to look at the possible gifts to get for our spouse. In my opinion, appreciation of your spouse is key on February 14th. the value of the gift does not matter as much as the thought that was poured into  buying the gift, the manner of presenting the gift also matters a lot. As for the men, know it today that women love surprises and they love romance. Wrap the gift up in style and romance, send the package to her office or classroom if she is in the University. Surprises and romance  spices the celebration of love on that day set aside to celebrate love. It’s a day to exchange gifts and do things that would make the other spouse to smile.  It is not a day to demand for your rights as a spouse but a day to accommodate the excesses of each other.  Below are some suggestions on gifts to buy:


This gift is just one out many that can be selected by you for your spouse depending on his or her preference. Some people do not drink tea or coffee, hence this gift is completely off the picture  for them in that case you can buy him  a wristwatch, an mp3 player, an iPad, a digital bible key chain,  customized boxers,designer perfume,  a shoe, laptop skin, a pair of designer shirt, necktie  and trousers as well as belt all in one set if you do have the money to spend and the list goes on and on. As for what to buy for the ladies..mmmm..well…well… we all know a pair of gold earrings, bracelet, necklace, wristwatch, designer perfume,  a personalized mug will also be appreciated if she drinks tea. I won’t exhaust the list today. By tomorrow I shall categorize the gifts to buy and the category will depend on the amount of money you can afford to spend on buying a gift. So watch out  for a longer list tomorrow.

Cheers Amigos!

To be continued…

Heal Your Broken Heart Series: Stay healthy

I was once told that my heart has never been broken and when I asked why, his response was nobody breaks an intelligent and beautiful girl’s heart because that’s every man’s dream girl.Well, that is not true as beautiful ladies do also suffer from heart-break many a time.

Another approach to heal your broken heart lies in the ability to stay healthy. People react in different ways to heart breaks. Some indulge in unhealthy and bad habits such as eating junk food in order to feel good​. And some indulge in excessive intake of ice cream or chocolates with the hope that it would wipe out their misery. In turn they eventually become obese. What of those who decide to quickly form an alliance in exchange for the hurt they feel and they eventually become alcoholics or inseparable from their drinks. This unhealthy habits are easy to acquire over the course of time and are difficult to lose once the harm has been done. In my opinion a partner with a broken heart should engage in exercises such as swimming, football, baseball, basketball, tennis or whatever exercise that catches his or her fancy. Exercises are avenues for him or her to vent all the pent-up emotions that accumulated during the break-up. It is easier to challenge yourself by taking up new exercises than organizing a pity party with yourself in the form of alcohol or junk food or wallowing in bitterness. The above mentioned habits are the easiest way to ill-health or an early grave. So, today be a darling by staying healthy after a heart-break be it a nasty heart-break or not.

Another important way to heal your broken heart is to engage in activities that makes you happy, but that’s a different topic for another day.


Relationships are so difficult: Different people like different things

There are the possessive partners who are all too controlling and domineering, in fact they would prefer their spouse to wear a particular type of clothe or to style their hair in a particular way, some even go as far as telling their spouse the amount of money to spend from their income and the amount to save.  Don’t get me wrong, some people enjoy the enumerated points above because for them it translates into love and care. Nonetheless, to others it is tantamount to imprisonment and they are constantly depressed or seeking ways to break away from the imaginary prison. You see all humans are different and what works for a particular couple may not work for you despite all the best seller books you have read on relationships, it may still not work if you cannot categorize your spouse. Initially, I started with the words: relationships are so difficult” but who said anything about a difficult relationship not being successful, for it bores down to  different strokes for different folks.  So, don’t be afraid to experiment to see what works best for you, also investigate by asking your spouse questions in order to know what category he/she falls into and create your rules in all that you do for the standard of the society for a relationship may not be the standard that works for you.


Relationships are so difficult: Pains and gains


Honesty is another important factor in assessing your relationship, have you ever wondered why a spouse prefers to be dishonest rather than honest. And most times when the truth comes out the defence of the spouse is: “I was protecting you” or I did not want to hurt you” or “if you knew the truth you would hate me” or “I did not want you to think I was capable of doing such” For it is not all truths that hurt the other party, some truths are better said than hidden in a canopy of lies.  In my opinion, most times hidden truths when revealed could completely destroy the emotions of the other party as well as the relationship that has been built over a period of years. Don’t get me wrong, my opinion is not intended to encourage the cultivation of a habit of lies among spouses but to make sure all spouses are aware of the reality behind the lies communicated to their spouses over a period of time. Because when the truth finally comes out of its hiding place, the effect on the relationship is most times explosive.  There are difficult moments when a spouse may tell the truth and lost his/her partner for life, in such circumstances the action of the lying spouse might be a forbidden act, in which case the spouse has no choice but to tell lies or embrace the dire consequences of his/her action by telling the truth. Let’s us all imagine for a moment that a wife who has been married to her husband for a period of 10 years  had an affair with her husband’s best friend, do you honestly think that divulging such information to the husband in the name of honesty would make her husband love her more? Absolutely not!!!! With righteous indignation, I believe that husband of hers will throw her out of their matrimonial home no matter the circumstances that led to the affair. (This scenario is strictly limited to the Nigerian environment). And what becomes of the Husband’s best friend? They would become best enemies (if there’s ever a word like that). Yet, some husbands have walked the path of the pain of betrayal but went ahead to forgive their straying wives just because they have made a deal with love, one which they so strongly believe should last for a lifetime. Those husbands can sit and tell you the difficulty one must encounter in relationships for there is no gain without pain.

To be continued…

More antidotes to having a long lasting relationship with your spouse

Another secret to preserving a relationship between spouses is perseverance, most couples are not determined to keep the vow of ‘till death do us part’ Most couples would rather say till lack of funds part us or till the issue of barrenness’ do us part. Perseverance is a key to having a long-lasting relationship with your spouse, once a spouse can develop the spirit of determination, in addition to love the marriage would last for a life time. Trust is another component that helps in preserving relationships, when there is a distrust lurking around in a marriage it comes with suspicion, back biting, jealous rage and a lot of other factors which would eventually lead to the end of such union.  Further, another factor that can help build a long-lasting relationship which previously existed is the ability to be open to corrections in a relationship, as well as the ability of the spouse correcting to do so with love and understanding and not with malice and insults. Spouses that are open to corrections always have the best relationships because they are always seeking ways to improve their skills in all spheres of the relationship, be it in matters of sex or matters of food or matters of finances.  As we all know it relationships with our spouse is hard work and the only way we can keep our relationship is by maintaining it and sustaining it by what we do or say.  Spouses must cultivate the habit of listening to each other, taking corrections, understanding when the going gets tough rather than bailing out. Spouses must enter into a marriage union with the mentality that it is for better or worse and not with a prenuptial agreement in the event of separation. The anticipation of separation is proof that you are marrying the wrong person. The mindset that there is a door out of the marriage if things don’t work out shows that you never intended to have a long and lasting relationship in the first place. It is profound that relationships are not all rosy and there are times when it would be surrounded by thorns but it is our ability to look past the thorns that preserves our relationship.  In sum every long-lasting relationship between spouses is characterized by love and perseverance amongst other. So, next time you say to your spouse ‘I love you’ make sure you mean it.