It is pertinent to give you an insight into an ideal relationship that you can develop with your father and a father with his child. An ideal relationship with your father starts with you being friends with him in that case it’s impossible for you to hide your emotions because you are free to express your feelings and it affords your father the opportunity to know more about you and the other way round for you as well. As friends, you still respect your father as ‘your father’ and you can still tell him about those plans you intend to execute, you are offered the opportunity of obtaining his advice and support not necessarily approval. As friends you can look up to your father as a role model and know why he took certain actions in his youthful days. The benefits of being friends with your father is enormous as you cultivate a special type of relationship with your father which does not lose the essence of his responsibility as a father in your life but opens the gateway for achieving same.
As for Fathers who sexually abuse their children, go get help and stop destroying the future of your child in the name of culture, tradition or in the name of madness.
And as for children, who find it difficult to have a meaningful conversation with your parents without hauling insults at them, remember the biblical command and get the blessing of living to a ripe old age.
Everybody has an origin, we all came from somewhere from someone, we all have family trees even though they may not be visible like the ones we see in novels or movies because nobody has taken out time to draw the tree. But it is written somewhere, perhaps in the memories of your ancestors. Thus, we do have a relationship with our parents and this section shall be focusing on our Father. Have you ever wondered why children from single moms are always passionate about knowing more about their dad? Well, everybody wants to know who that special man that was responsible for their birth is. It’s not a big deal for some who were fortunate to have two parents.
Do you know that despite the biblical command that we should honour our parents and our days shall be longer, people still have problems with their parents? Some children find it difficult to have a cordial conversation with their parents without turning it into a squabble. We all know that there’s the usual teenage syndrome when teenagers believe more in their peers than in their parents, confide more in their peers than in their parents and see their parents as the enemies and their peers as their allies. Apart, from the famous ‘teenage syndrome’ some children grow up disliking their father, maybe because he was a drunk and never provided for the family and as a result they fail to see the need to respect him or his usefulness in their lives.
On a brighter note some people have a very good relationship with their father, he is their role model and he can never do wrong in their sight. Infact, they see him as some sort of ‘Angel’ who is perfect. So, what’s your relationship with your father like?
There’s a category of children who harbours some sort of fear of their father, because he is seen as an authority and a disciplinarian. They grow up having never known the man behind the discipline and authority. Actually, they are even incapable of expressing their feelings to their father, because he never used words like ‘I love you’, ‘I care about you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘My angel’ all he ever said to them was give commands on what should be done and how it should be done. Further, there are fathers out there who are so controlling that they want to control all aspects of their children’s life starting from the career path they should follow, the type of church they must always attend, the grades they must always make in school, to the type of family they should be married into. What of the type of father who does not care about the wellbeing of his children who is simply self centered and consumed in himself. It is nearly impossible to develop a relationship with such a father because the child must have been a victim of abuse from such a father. So, the only type of relationship the child can have at some point after loathing is forgiveness.
I came across this interesting piece sent to me by my cousin on the blackberry messenger, it read ‘keep your relationship tight because someone somewhere is out there waiting for you to fall apart’ It got me thinking, do we value the relationships we have, there are thousands and even millions of people who are unaware of the relationship they have with themselves or who sub consciously have a terrible relationship with themselves. You might be wondering at this point how a person can have a relationship with oneself. Oh Yes, we all have a one to one relationship with ourselves and it manifests in so many ways. It could be that we are so much in love with our selves, pardon me! I mean it could be that we are so vain, we stare for a considerable time at the reflection of ourself in the mirror. Admiring for too long or should I say obsessing our looks. This is quite different from staring at the mirror and searching for that perfect smile to dazzle your fans and it relates mostly to those in the entertainment industry or in the case of business executives, the smile to dazzle the board or the movers and shakers of your industry. How about feeling that you’re worthless or developing low self esteem because you feel you are not loved. What of people who are always in search of company under the guise that they love company while in actual fact, they cannot bear the thought of spending time with themselves because they think it’s appalling.(self loathing) And what of that category of persons, who do not enjoy spending time with themselves or who need constant reminder from people that they are good looking or beautiful. This last category stems from insecurity and can only be cured when you know you have a good relationship with yourself. The question burning in our minds now is: How can one have a good relationship with oneself?
Our relationships with others, all starts with us as a “person”, if we feel bad about ourselves or if we don’t know our worth as an individual, it will be impossible for us to cultivate good relationships with others. A good relationship bores down to feeling good with our self, been comfortable in our own skin, striving to be a better person, self confidence, being confident of our abilities and most importantly being at peace with our selves.
I ask again how can one have a good relationship and do you have a good relationship with “you” or are you merely vain?