Tag Archives: father

Relationship with our children

From the first kick to the date of birth, we mothers have already developed a relationship with our babies, infact our relationship dates far back than the first kick.  Then at birth a different type of relationship is cultivated, one where the mothers give and give more of their time, a part of their body and tireless dedication to their babies. There are mothers and there are real mothers, for it is not  that difficult to become a mother but it is most difficult to be a good mother, a selfless mother who puts the need of her children before hers. I have a little confession to make here, before I became a mother, I did not really and fully grasp  the sacrifice, the hard work  and the enormous dedication in child bringing, that hurdle that a good mother must pass every time she  has a baby and as such I could not comprehensively  appreciate the role of mothers in the world at large. But now I sing a different tune, I see a different story, mothers could be domineering, annoying at times but its all for a reason, they are wired that way by  God. They are made to protect their children and in their eyes their children are always babies no matter how big or how well established that child is.

Despite the perseverance and the sacrifice made at the inception of life for a baby what matters at the end is the relationship that has been nurtured with the child. If a mother pushes her child away by her actions, utterances or the fact that she is unapproachable, no matter how many times she may scream and shout “I am your mother” “I carried you in my womb for 9 months” “I spent sleepless nights for you” It only fades away in the child’s memory or it all means nothing to the child because the relationship was never there in the first place, hence the constant fight.

It might be very difficult, children are bound to annoy their mothers and fathers or even hurt their Parents one way or the other but mothers should never shut the door to the relationship which was developed naturally at the inception of the child. Men do not get me wrong, you too can always develop a relationship with your baby at inception, I remember that my Husband towed that path by always talking to our daughter while she was in the womb.

Sometimes as I recall, he would say “shhhh” I am talking to my child. Many men can adopt this approach and also spend sleepless nights alongside their wives in other to cultivate a long, lasting and healthy relationship with their children despite the fact that they are not really wired for “vigil with babies”  as I so fondly call it.



Relationship with your parents: Having an ideal relationship with your father

It is pertinent to give you an insight into an ideal relationship that you can develop with your father and a father with his child. An ideal relationship with your father starts with you being friends with him in that case it’s impossible for you to hide your emotions because you are free to express your feelings and it affords your father the opportunity to know more about you and the other way round for you as well. As friends, you still respect your father as ‘your father’ and you can still tell him about those plans you intend to execute, you are offered the opportunity of obtaining his advice and support not necessarily approval. As friends you can look up to your father as a role model and know why he took certain actions in his youthful days. The benefits of being friends with your father is enormous as you cultivate a special type of relationship with your father which does not lose the essence of his responsibility as a father in your life but opens the gateway for achieving same.
As for Fathers who sexually abuse their children, go get help and stop destroying the future of your child in the name of culture, tradition or in the name of madness.
And as for children, who find it difficult to have a meaningful conversation with your parents without hauling insults at them, remember the biblical command and get the blessing of living to a ripe old age.