Tag Archives: men


I came across a very touching picture… It said “A real man must choose to honour, respect…”

You can read the rest above. Are they real men out there? Its left for the women to assess their men and come up with the results. So whoever thought that in the institution of marriage there was no exams and assessments must be joking. For they are even carry over courses in love, honour, respect, adoration and faithfulness. There are even drop-outs in the Institution of Marriage. You can flunk the marriage.

All men can be real men because it is a choice. Some men would argue that they were not brought up that way, so they cannot adore a woman. They should know this then, a woman brought you to this world and a woman makes your life easier. It’s either you shape in or ship out. For there is no kingdom without a King and his Queen. No family without a wife and a mother.

So, guys what are you waiting for? Man up.


The Mystery behind relationships

Hi guys, it has been ages since I wrote and I feel very guilty about it, the words kept coming, the right topics kept  passing by but I could not squeeze out time to put my thoughts in paper. Although the idea kept on taunting me but as we all know no one has time except we create it. I was once told that no one knows what goes on between a man and a woman who are behind closed doors. I verily believe that  different relationships have different strategies which makes it grow into a success story.

Love is  the key that open perfect doors in our relationship, for love is like a plant that must be cared for, it must be protected and it must be fed, it must be provided with sunlight and water to blossom and grow into an ageless beauty. In all of my years on the face of this earth and in all my interactions with old couples one thing remain constant in finding the secret to a long and lasting relationship and that is determination. Most times, we wonder what a tall and handsome saw in a woman whom we perceive to be ugly. We wonder if a young and beautiful woman married an old rich man for his money and not for the mere fact that she finds happiness with him or that he makes her laugh. Now we keep on wondering and the relationship keeps on growing and that is the mystery behind relationships. It is a function of both parties and not a function of what third parties think. You know some people will never marry a person who has not been scrutinized and approved by friends as if it is their friends that will become their bed mates and companion.

Nevertheless, we are the only ones who know why we choose that fat and short lady or that old man  for no one truly knows why we choose the partners we ended up with, no one knows if it was just out of frustration and the fact that one has given up on true love or prince charming or the angelic beauty men imagined to spend the rest of their lives with. That woman who has the perfect shape, who is soft spoken, who does no wrong, who is a chef in the kitchen and who has mastery of the sexual skills which can make a man smile for days unend. A woman who never demands for gifts or material stuffs, a woman who never demands for your time but always lovingly and willingly accepts you when you come to her. Well, now that’s some fairy tale which I truly don’t know if it exists in the real world as challenges will always bring out the worse and the best in us, it will push us in relationships to do unspeakable things and to do the best things in life.   Same goes for women, are we getting into a relationship with anyone just because we can’t seem to find the right man or we have lost hope on our childhood dreams of meeting that special man who may not be necessarily good looking but who treats us right, who goes an extra mile to serve us as his princess or who cherishes us and practically worships the ground we walk on.

In all these cases, one should never give up on his or her dream of finding the “one” or getting that person that suits our taste, completes our dream and most importantly gives us joy in all areas of our life for that is truly the mystery behind good relationships for it matters not what the world thinks as longs as that is the woman or man for you, go ahead and be a couple.


Special gift : The valentine festival


There’s  the new thought and word in town that many men such as Romeo, Jack and even Jesus died for love, but no woman has ever died for love. Infact, they said that if women can’t give at least 10 names of women who died for love, then they wont be entitled to a valentine gift. Hilarious I must confess, does it mean that most Nigerian single  guys are trying very hard to avoid giving their lovers a valentine gift. Some guys have confided in me that the major reason why single guys are crying “murder” lies in the fact that  they have more than one lover. So, imagine duplicating the expensive gifts for about two or three women. Wow! Terribly and bloody expensive to maintain two women during valentine’s day. My humble opinion is you should stick to one woman. I know the guys out there are saying “what about  women who have more than one man” It is also insanely costly for women to maintain two men, imagine those women  sharing their body with two men on the same day such as  having intercourse in the evening with both men, the complication of lying and the risk of being caught by the other. And as for the married ones amongst us, am not sure buying a gift should make you agitated as long as you are married to one wife and I mean one wife in every sense of the word. Not one wife and a concubine and  not one wife and three concubines. *wink*

Anyways, as we are approaching February 14th , I believe it is time to look at the possible gifts to get for our spouse. In my opinion, appreciation of your spouse is key on February 14th. the value of the gift does not matter as much as the thought that was poured into  buying the gift, the manner of presenting the gift also matters a lot. As for the men, know it today that women love surprises and they love romance. Wrap the gift up in style and romance, send the package to her office or classroom if she is in the University. Surprises and romance  spices the celebration of love on that day set aside to celebrate love. It’s a day to exchange gifts and do things that would make the other spouse to smile.  It is not a day to demand for your rights as a spouse but a day to accommodate the excesses of each other.  Below are some suggestions on gifts to buy:


This gift is just one out many that can be selected by you for your spouse depending on his or her preference. Some people do not drink tea or coffee, hence this gift is completely off the picture  for them in that case you can buy him  a wristwatch, an mp3 player, an iPad, a digital bible key chain,  customized boxers,designer perfume,  a shoe, laptop skin, a pair of designer shirt, necktie  and trousers as well as belt all in one set if you do have the money to spend and the list goes on and on. As for what to buy for the ladies..mmmm..well…well… we all know a pair of gold earrings, bracelet, necklace, wristwatch, designer perfume,  a personalized mug will also be appreciated if she drinks tea. I won’t exhaust the list today. By tomorrow I shall categorize the gifts to buy and the category will depend on the amount of money you can afford to spend on buying a gift. So watch out  for a longer list tomorrow.

Cheers Amigos!

To be continued…

The question men ought to answer: Can you marry a woman who already has a child for another man?




I must apologize for the long silence and I must confess that in my moment of silence when I failed to write I felt guilty and awful. I love writing and it aches me to always pass by an opportunity to voice out my opinion on a particular topic. But you see life is not fair and just like you I also have to work for a living and when that work becomes more stressful, I but for a brief moment forget about my precious blog. I hope you guys can understand, for I never run out of topics to discuss but I run out of time to write them.

One striking topic that has nagged me for months stemmed from a discussion I had with a friend, although the topic became clearer after that discussion I have always wondered why men make so much fuss about a woman who already has a child. Most Nigerian men cannot marry a woman who has bore a child outside wedlock. They usually refer to these women as “after one” or “tokunbo” (it means fairly used in local parlance). I discussed with my friend on this concept and it would amaze you that he does not mind marrying a woman who already has a child outside wedlock. We reasoned together that such women are much better because we can see the consequences of their mistakes. What of those women or ladies out there who has had uncountable number of abortions in order to protect their reputation and it turns out… Well, I leave the conclusion to your imaginations without provoking you to be judgmental. In Mozambique it is very common for women to have children outside wedlock and still get married to another man other than the father of their children. The best part of it is that the men do not feel bad that they are marrying a woman with children even though they don’t have children of their own before marrying such a woman. To my mind’s eye I see the answer to this question in personality and not in what a woman has done or in the number of children the woman had for another man. But I am not a man and I may not know exactly how other men reason on this issue, so I guess this is a question which must be answered by each man.


What men really want


Once upon a time, a movie titled “what women want” was released in 2010 and hundreds of thousands of people watched the movie to know what women want. There is also the general perception that women are complex and want a lot of things. What do men want is food for thought. I know men want women for a fact, but it does not stop there. How about meeting a man who wants more than a wife, who is looking for a woman who can also play a motherly role in his life because he was deprived of motherly love when growing up. There are other types of men who would just stick to the plain fact that the woman is a good cook. When asked what men want in life, some men would honestly say that they want a lovely car, a beautiful wife and a great job. Am not sure that is enough for them as they would take an extra step to procure a mistress in the midst of these good things or is it the mistresses running after the rich and powerful men who can take care of their needs? No matter the  dimension we choose to view men’s wants, we fail to conclude on what a man really wants. Have you ever taken a glance at the wife of an unfaithful man? She always possesses some qualities that would make one marvel at mystery behind cheating! Does this mean that men are just plain greedy despite having the good things of life, they want more.  A man could have numerous lovers and would want each and every one of those lover to have a single lover in the person of him. I guess the question of what men really wants bores down to the type of man as the saying goes one man’s meat is another man’s poison.

In conclusion, I had the privilege of  getting responses to the question of what do men really want  from about 3 men and it goes like this:

First man: Men want affection without obsessiveness, encouragement devoid of nagging. They want to be mothered yet feel in charge. They want a cook in the kitchen and a total whore in the bedroom. They want a woman who looks good and the fact that other men admire their woman. Last but not the least men want a woman that makes him feel like he is the only man in this world.

Second man: African men need a wife and  a whore by the side.

Third man: Men want a woman to feed them, have intercourse with them and be quiet.

From the above responses, I am of the opinion  that what men really  want is women.

Special thanks to all my contributors out there.


To cheat or not to cheat: Cheating spouses in relationships ( cont’d)

If you just found out that your spouse of many years is cheating, has been cheating or has cheated on you, what would you do? I guess you might for one tiny moment contemplate revenging by being confrontational, by letting the other party know you are aware or by even cheating on your spouse and telling them you did same. However, upon seeing the expression on their face, we wish we never took that route, we would wish we never took that approach.

My candid opinion remains; we should deal with our pain and disappointments we should never hide in that shell of cheating, eating excessively, being violent, being nasty, etc. Or the guilt trip route, wondering what we did wrong that made the other person found solace in the arms of another man or woman. Frankly, some spouses cheat even when their partner has never attempted to make them cheat by acting in a particular way.

We should  learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are even when strive to improve upon ourselves, because some people have the tendency to cheat no matter what type of beautiful relationship they find themselves in, you won’t believe this but some men or women have cheated on their spouses all their lives. This is not because they do not love their spouse, but because they are not strong enough to resist the lure of having sex outside their relationship.

Some spouses cheat to make themselves better, they cheat to boost their ego, they cheat to be appreciated they cheat because they want to be desired by another person, they cheat because they are no longer attracted to their spouse, they cheat because they feel the new person is much better than their previous spouse, they cheat because they want to have it all. At this point I must state it emphatically and categorically that I am not justifying cheating or condoning cheating, all I am trying to do is give us an insight as to why spouses cheat. It is complicated and complex to proffer all the reasons why spouses cheat in relationships, but this are some of the basic reasons. As the saying go different strokes for different folks.  To be candid, we should learn to appreciate and know ourselves better, this would reduce that tendency to cheat and make us faithful come what may, relationships are meant to be worked on, and if you can’t have a good relationship with yourself, it is extremely difficult to have a good relationship with others.



To cheat or not to cheat: Cheating spouses in relationships!

Last night I watched a movie titled ‘The girlfriend experience’ which sparked the desire to write on cheating spouses. The movie was about a high-class prostitute who strived to create a relationship with her clients, she tried to be what they wanted her to be, said what they wanted to hear, and did what made them happy. The most amazing part of the story was that she was in a relationship with a man who knew she was a prostitute. They actually lived together and this got me wondering, how is he taking it? How does he cope with the thought that the woman he loves and has sex with also have sex with multiple men in a day?  My speculations were simple, maybe to the prostitute it was just a job, to the man he was supportive and he let her do what she wanted to do. perhaps, he met her as a prostitute and fell in love with her, but couldn’t change it, he couldn’t get her to change her profession and she was damn good in her profession, he even consoled her when she had a bad day. They did have ground rules though, which entailed that she won’t be spending the weekends with her clients. Well! I guess it worked for them and most importantly it was a movie. However, I learnt that some movies are actually produced based on people’s personal experience or true life stories.

I am not sure men with all their egocentric characteristics find it appealing to date a prostitute; however it is very appealing for them to cheat. Pardon me guys! I don’t mean to judge you, am just merely stating a fact. I have once asked the following questions: why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Why do people cheat in relationships?  And the answers I got on Facebook was really fascinating, a friend said I was philosophical with regards to the question on why do men cheat, I guess the society feels it is normal for a man to cheat and the answer to the question on why women cheat were as follows; she has no value, she is a slut and so on. Why the harsh judgment on women?

There are a billion and one reasons why people cheat or possibly an uncountable number of excuses to support their action. For men, the major reason is that men are polygamous in nature: whatever that means! And I bet they would say women are monogamous in nature!  Great!

The real question now remains; how does a man or a woman feels when their partner is unfaithful? I guess nobody is overly generous that they won’t feel bad when it happens. Most spouses who have found themselves in that situation feel their trust has been betrayed, some find it very difficult to take the cheating spouse back and that is in circumstances where the cheating spouse returns. As we all know, trust is an integral part of every relationship, the moment trust is missing the relationship is standing on a very shaky and slippery ground. Trust me cheating spouses almost and always tell lies to cover their tracks.

Some spouse respond by cheating just to cause the same type of pain the other has caused or inflicted on him/her. Others get so battered that they become under the illusion that something must be definitely wrong with them; their self-esteem becomes so low that it can be described as nonexistent.  Some people react by turning to food to comfort them from that pain that there are no longer desirable by their partners. I guess they eventually become miserable, dejected and depressed…

To be continued.