Tag Archives: movies

Traditional marriage vs. Church marriage: The best option (Part 1)

I have a secret, I don’t like attending weddings, I don’t know why, I prefer seeing a movie or going to the beach to attending weddings. But there comes a time in every girl’s life where she has to attend weddings and the likes, I guess that time came in my life in the month of June. This is due to the fact that I had the opportunity to attend four weddings in a roll and in one month. So, it is official that I attended four weddings in four weeks, thus the month of June must be truly special.
People that dislike attending weddings like myself believe weddings are tiring, hectic and stressful. I totally agree but my attendance at the four weddings/traditional marriages gave me the time to ponder over weddings in Nigeria. In Nigeria, like in every other African country we have our culture and tradition and this can be easily seen in our way of life. Marriage is not left out when it comes to tradition, infact there are countless ways of getting married to a Nigerian girl depending on her ethnic group, but beyond this is the culture we inherited from our colonial masters called church wedding and/or marriage under the Act.
This form of marriage never existed during the era of our ancestors who were free men and lived their lives in accordance with their traditions. Presently, in the 21st century it becomes pertinent to ask: which type of marriage is the preferred mode of getting married in this generation? I know as a fact that some people prefer to get married in accordance with the culture of their people, in accordance with the English law and in the presence of God as well.

While every young couple desires to get married in the traditional way as well as get married in accordance with their religion, not everybody can afford it. As we all know getting married to a woman in Nigeria entails expenses and the expenses incurred by the man becomes even more if she is from the eastern states. Certain eastern states are famous for exuberant bride prices; sometimes the bride price involves buying food items and drinks for all the members of the girl’s village. Imagine being faced with this enormous task as a guy to buy food stuffs and drinks for virtually all groups ranging from the umunna*, umunne*, umuada* and the youths of the village as well as the parents of your bride. It gives the impression that you are getting married to the village. Anyways, that’s the beauty of Nigeria which is rich in culture and tradition. Now, after paying the bride price and performing the traditional ceremony, in the eyes of the girl’s family, you have married their daughter and she is free to live with you. The girl’s family cherishes the traditional marriage because it signifies that the girl has been rightly given out by her family to the man’s family. The girl on her part depending on her religion cherishes the church wedding where she is at liberty to show off her wedding dress and shoes and all other accessories.

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To cheat or not to cheat: Cheating spouses in relationships!

Last night I watched a movie titled ‘The girlfriend experience’ which sparked the desire to write on cheating spouses. The movie was about a high-class prostitute who strived to create a relationship with her clients, she tried to be what they wanted her to be, said what they wanted to hear, and did what made them happy. The most amazing part of the story was that she was in a relationship with a man who knew she was a prostitute. They actually lived together and this got me wondering, how is he taking it? How does he cope with the thought that the woman he loves and has sex with also have sex with multiple men in a day?  My speculations were simple, maybe to the prostitute it was just a job, to the man he was supportive and he let her do what she wanted to do. perhaps, he met her as a prostitute and fell in love with her, but couldn’t change it, he couldn’t get her to change her profession and she was damn good in her profession, he even consoled her when she had a bad day. They did have ground rules though, which entailed that she won’t be spending the weekends with her clients. Well! I guess it worked for them and most importantly it was a movie. However, I learnt that some movies are actually produced based on people’s personal experience or true life stories.

I am not sure men with all their egocentric characteristics find it appealing to date a prostitute; however it is very appealing for them to cheat. Pardon me guys! I don’t mean to judge you, am just merely stating a fact. I have once asked the following questions: why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Why do people cheat in relationships?  And the answers I got on Facebook was really fascinating, a friend said I was philosophical with regards to the question on why do men cheat, I guess the society feels it is normal for a man to cheat and the answer to the question on why women cheat were as follows; she has no value, she is a slut and so on. Why the harsh judgment on women?

There are a billion and one reasons why people cheat or possibly an uncountable number of excuses to support their action. For men, the major reason is that men are polygamous in nature: whatever that means! And I bet they would say women are monogamous in nature!  Great!

The real question now remains; how does a man or a woman feels when their partner is unfaithful? I guess nobody is overly generous that they won’t feel bad when it happens. Most spouses who have found themselves in that situation feel their trust has been betrayed, some find it very difficult to take the cheating spouse back and that is in circumstances where the cheating spouse returns. As we all know, trust is an integral part of every relationship, the moment trust is missing the relationship is standing on a very shaky and slippery ground. Trust me cheating spouses almost and always tell lies to cover their tracks.

Some spouse respond by cheating just to cause the same type of pain the other has caused or inflicted on him/her. Others get so battered that they become under the illusion that something must be definitely wrong with them; their self-esteem becomes so low that it can be described as nonexistent.  Some people react by turning to food to comfort them from that pain that there are no longer desirable by their partners. I guess they eventually become miserable, dejected and depressed…

To be continued.

Is an engagement ring an absolute necessity to a marriage proposal?

I once had this chat with a male friend on marriage proposals and his statement to me was shocking because I never thought of it in that light, at least not for Nigerians born in Nigeria and living in Nigeria who have not travelled outside the shores of the country and have attached too much importance on traditional values. His statement was simple as he said ‘any man who does not propose to a lady with a ring in this day and age is not serious about marrying that lady’. Now, I took it within the Nigerian context, because as we all know, the idea of engagement ring sounds western.

However, the origin and history of engagement ring poked my curiosity and for days I couldn’t stop thinking about the nagging question that tucked my every being. ‘’Is an engagement ring a necessary tool for marriage proposals for Nigerians living in Nigeria in the 21st century’’  I know most people might have differing answers with basic reasons. But first, it is wise to take a peek at the origin and history of engagement rings.  Although an engagement ring has been generally described as a ring connoting that the wearer is engaged to be married particularly in western cultures, it must be emphasized here that the history of engagement ring began in Ancient Egypt and was used to symbolize a never-ending circle. It gradually moved to the West as the Romans saw it as a symbol for ownership instead of love. Subsequently in Europe engagement rings were given as a pledge of love and fidelity and especially for the Romans it was used as a gift for betrothal and did not necessarily imply marriage.

Presently, in the 21st century in Nigeria a lot of factors come to play when a man intends to propose marriage to a woman and I believe that these factors to a large extent affects the nature of proposal a woman would get. Factors ranging from the ethnic group of the woman in question; the character of the woman; the family background of the woman; the finances of the man; his status in the society; his religion, his responsibility within his immediate and his extended family to mention a few.  For instance, when a  man is not financially stable and just wants to marry because he thinks all his mates are married or because he has a set target on when to marry he may not necessarily be patient enough to propose with a ring. Guys, am I right?

I know most ladies grew up with the notion of romance which was reinforced by Mills and Booms novels and American romantic movies as well. Realizing that the prince charming of the movies/novels do not necessarily exist in real life they try to create one out of the man they are with at that point in time. Sometimes, they perceive the proposal of marriage with an engagement ring as ‘classy’ and they go about making a fuss about it and recounting his proposal. However, not all ladies have the opportunity to feel or recount such fairy tale like stories and this could be as a result of numerous reasons such as religion, lack of initiative on behalf of the man because he was never exposed to romantic movies or he simply does not believe in it.  In such circumstances, the women in question should not feel bad because the essence of engagement ring is not more important than the relationship you share with that man you call your own. Engagement rings can be like a breath of fresh air in terms of marriage proposals which comes in different forms in Nigeria and which most unscrupulous men use in deceiving poor unsuspecting ladies out there, but it is not a must have because the man can always give it to the lady after the marriage proposal and in certain circumstances both can shop for it. I believe the most important thing in a marriage proposal is the intention and the ability to keep that fire of love burning for a life time. However, guys always try to buy an engagement ring while proposing; it does put a smile on her face, gives her that feeling of being special and makes her radiate with joy. Do you think an engagement ring is a necessity for a marriage proposal?

Cheers!