Tag Archives: relationship

Relationships are so difficult: Pains and gains

 

Honesty is another important factor in assessing your relationship, have you ever wondered why a spouse prefers to be dishonest rather than honest. And most times when the truth comes out the defence of the spouse is: “I was protecting you” or I did not want to hurt you” or “if you knew the truth you would hate me” or “I did not want you to think I was capable of doing such” For it is not all truths that hurt the other party, some truths are better said than hidden in a canopy of lies.  In my opinion, most times hidden truths when revealed could completely destroy the emotions of the other party as well as the relationship that has been built over a period of years. Don’t get me wrong, my opinion is not intended to encourage the cultivation of a habit of lies among spouses but to make sure all spouses are aware of the reality behind the lies communicated to their spouses over a period of time. Because when the truth finally comes out of its hiding place, the effect on the relationship is most times explosive.  There are difficult moments when a spouse may tell the truth and lost his/her partner for life, in such circumstances the action of the lying spouse might be a forbidden act, in which case the spouse has no choice but to tell lies or embrace the dire consequences of his/her action by telling the truth. Let’s us all imagine for a moment that a wife who has been married to her husband for a period of 10 years  had an affair with her husband’s best friend, do you honestly think that divulging such information to the husband in the name of honesty would make her husband love her more? Absolutely not!!!! With righteous indignation, I believe that husband of hers will throw her out of their matrimonial home no matter the circumstances that led to the affair. (This scenario is strictly limited to the Nigerian environment). And what becomes of the Husband’s best friend? They would become best enemies (if there’s ever a word like that). Yet, some husbands have walked the path of the pain of betrayal but went ahead to forgive their straying wives just because they have made a deal with love, one which they so strongly believe should last for a lifetime. Those husbands can sit and tell you the difficulty one must encounter in relationships for there is no gain without pain.

To be continued…

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To cheat or not to cheat: Cheating spouses in relationships!

Last night I watched a movie titled ‘The girlfriend experience’ which sparked the desire to write on cheating spouses. The movie was about a high-class prostitute who strived to create a relationship with her clients, she tried to be what they wanted her to be, said what they wanted to hear, and did what made them happy. The most amazing part of the story was that she was in a relationship with a man who knew she was a prostitute. They actually lived together and this got me wondering, how is he taking it? How does he cope with the thought that the woman he loves and has sex with also have sex with multiple men in a day?  My speculations were simple, maybe to the prostitute it was just a job, to the man he was supportive and he let her do what she wanted to do. perhaps, he met her as a prostitute and fell in love with her, but couldn’t change it, he couldn’t get her to change her profession and she was damn good in her profession, he even consoled her when she had a bad day. They did have ground rules though, which entailed that she won’t be spending the weekends with her clients. Well! I guess it worked for them and most importantly it was a movie. However, I learnt that some movies are actually produced based on people’s personal experience or true life stories.

I am not sure men with all their egocentric characteristics find it appealing to date a prostitute; however it is very appealing for them to cheat. Pardon me guys! I don’t mean to judge you, am just merely stating a fact. I have once asked the following questions: why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Why do people cheat in relationships?  And the answers I got on Facebook was really fascinating, a friend said I was philosophical with regards to the question on why do men cheat, I guess the society feels it is normal for a man to cheat and the answer to the question on why women cheat were as follows; she has no value, she is a slut and so on. Why the harsh judgment on women?

There are a billion and one reasons why people cheat or possibly an uncountable number of excuses to support their action. For men, the major reason is that men are polygamous in nature: whatever that means! And I bet they would say women are monogamous in nature!  Great!

The real question now remains; how does a man or a woman feels when their partner is unfaithful? I guess nobody is overly generous that they won’t feel bad when it happens. Most spouses who have found themselves in that situation feel their trust has been betrayed, some find it very difficult to take the cheating spouse back and that is in circumstances where the cheating spouse returns. As we all know, trust is an integral part of every relationship, the moment trust is missing the relationship is standing on a very shaky and slippery ground. Trust me cheating spouses almost and always tell lies to cover their tracks.

Some spouse respond by cheating just to cause the same type of pain the other has caused or inflicted on him/her. Others get so battered that they become under the illusion that something must be definitely wrong with them; their self-esteem becomes so low that it can be described as nonexistent.  Some people react by turning to food to comfort them from that pain that there are no longer desirable by their partners. I guess they eventually become miserable, dejected and depressed…

To be continued.

Why relationships with our partners fall apart (Part 1)

Sometimes we could meet that special person in a very romantic place, just like in the cinema, in the beach or sometimes we can meet that person in the heat of the day, when we are all stressed and tired of life’s struggles. It could be in a bus, molue, or when we are even struggling to get attended to in a local food restaurant. Ha! That one bad sha! Imagine eating that hot amala and ewedu and he comes to sit beside you with his rice and moi moi feeling superior or feeling western while you feel terrible. Yeah! We can meet that special person in all works of life, anywhere and everywhere. And when we finally strike that connection, what do we do to keep it? Basically, this section will focus on the ladies while the second part of the section will focus on guys.
Ladies, he struggled to get your attention, he was calling you day and night so that you could give him a chance, he chased after you under the rain and even under the scorching sun. So, now that he is dating you, why has he suddenly lost interest? To answer this, lots of factors are involved. First, it could be that he is not the one for you, but what if he is the one for you? But he is turned off by your overbearing attitude? Or now that he knows you better he realizes that you are not as good as you looked from a distance? Don’t get me wrong! The looking good factor has to do with your conduct, your appearance, are you a dirty girl? Who does not know when to have a bath or wash your body? Do you use an under wear for days without washing it? do you have body odour and fail to realize that you do? Or simply ignore to control it? Do you have irritating habits that he has complained of time and again to no avail? It is endless….

Guys, am I right?
Does the above turn you off?
Ladies for the sake of keeping your relationships make an effort at being neat, develop the habit of paying special attention to your under wears. Endeavor to use strong deodorants and wear strong perfumes if you do have body odour. We know its not your fault but you can make it bearable.
How about your mouth? Ensure you pay special attention to your teeth. You could say that once a man loves you he does not care about your appearance and looks, but that’s not true. BEWARE: ‘Men are attracted by what they see and women are attracted by what they hear’
As a woman looking good is not just good business, its also serious business. Don’t be known as that woman who he would describe to people as I love her but…..

Make sure you eradicate factors that can make your man change his mind about popping that question. Strive to be a better woman and do not hesitate to take corrections.
Cheers!

A relationship with your mother

‘I hate my mom’ does the statement sound familiar? Not really, right? She carried you in her womb for nine months and bore all the inconveniences. You suckled her and she allowed you with joy and gladness. We all have emotional attachments to our mom, most times it is stronger than the bond we share with our dad. We are closer to our mom and maybe due to the breast milk we tend to go closer to our mom even physically. So, I was horrified when I heard on the radio sometime ago that a grown up man in his early thirties has been having sexual intercourse with his mom from his teenage days to adulthood. What type of mom would destroy the life of her child just like that? Huh? We live in a world with lots of strange happenings. This man lost his dad when he was quite young and his mom selfishly used him to satisfy her sexual desires till he became an adult. Then his mom introduced him to her boyfriend and rather than welcome the boyfriend, he stabbed him because he felt that he has always been there for his mom and he also loves her. (I am not encouraging every man to express his love for his mom in this twisted and sick way).

Mother and Child

Love for a mother made Jesus to perform his first miracle earlier than his appointed time. Maybe I should not even be writing this, because we all love our mom and we have a special relationship with her. Wait a minute! Do we all love our mom or am I just dreaming up this fantasy?
Some mothers can do anything to preserve the life and wellbeing of their child, I guess that’s the type of mother, children love and emulate when they are fully grown. While some mothers, can fold their arms and watch their children suffer. Can you believe that a mother can stand by and watch her husband molest her child. Yes, it has happened and it still happens. How can such a woman bear to call herself mother and still celebrate mother’s day when all she did was give birth to the child without a care in the world on how to protect the child from evil.
Our mother is our confidant, our friend, our bundle of joy, our pride because she has always been there for us that is in the case of a good mom.
Let’s keep cultivating that relationship with her, she took care of us while we were ill and no matter what we did she always found a space in her heart to forgive us. Many cards, words, poems and songs have been written and dedicated to good mothers all over the world. We should always find time to appreciate our mom knowing that she has our best interest at heart and here I will emphasize in the case of good mothers.
Bad mothers on the other hand must be corrected and educated on how to care for their children. Every child needs his/her mother.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

Relationship with your Parents: Father

Everybody has an origin, we all came from somewhere from someone, we all have family trees even though they may not be visible like the ones we see in novels or movies because nobody has taken out time to draw the tree. But it is written somewhere, perhaps in the memories of your ancestors. Thus, we do have a relationship with our parents and this section shall be focusing on our Father. Have you ever wondered why children from single moms are always passionate about knowing more about their dad? Well, everybody wants to know who that special man that was responsible for their birth is. It’s not a big deal for some who were fortunate to have two parents.
Do you know that despite the biblical command that we should honour our parents and our days shall be longer, people still have problems with their parents? Some children find it difficult to have a cordial conversation with their parents without turning it into a squabble. We all know that there’s the usual teenage syndrome when teenagers believe more in their peers than in their parents, confide more in their peers than in their parents and see their parents as the enemies and their peers as their allies. Apart, from the famous ‘teenage syndrome’ some children grow up disliking their father, maybe because he was a drunk and never provided for the family and as a result they fail to see the need to respect him or his usefulness in their lives.
On a brighter note some people have a very good relationship with their father, he is their role model and he can never do wrong in their sight. Infact, they see him as some sort of ‘Angel’ who is perfect. So, what’s your relationship with your father like?
There’s a category of children who harbours some sort of fear of their father, because he is seen as an authority and a disciplinarian. They grow up having never known the man behind the discipline and authority. Actually, they are even incapable of expressing their feelings to their father, because he never used words like ‘I love you’, ‘I care about you’, ‘I miss you’, ‘My angel’ all he ever said to them was give commands on what should be done and how it should be done. Further, there are fathers out there who are so controlling that they want to control all aspects of their children’s life starting from the career path they should follow, the type of church they must always attend, the grades they must always make in school, to the type of family they should be married into. What of the type of father who does not care about the wellbeing of his children who is simply self centered and consumed in himself. It is nearly impossible to develop a relationship with such a father because the child must have been a victim of abuse from such a father. So, the only type of relationship the child can have at some point after loathing is forgiveness.