Tag Archives: trust

To cheat or not to cheat: Cheating spouses in relationships!

Last night I watched a movie titled ‘The girlfriend experience’ which sparked the desire to write on cheating spouses. The movie was about a high-class prostitute who strived to create a relationship with her clients, she tried to be what they wanted her to be, said what they wanted to hear, and did what made them happy. The most amazing part of the story was that she was in a relationship with a man who knew she was a prostitute. They actually lived together and this got me wondering, how is he taking it? How does he cope with the thought that the woman he loves and has sex with also have sex with multiple men in a day?  My speculations were simple, maybe to the prostitute it was just a job, to the man he was supportive and he let her do what she wanted to do. perhaps, he met her as a prostitute and fell in love with her, but couldn’t change it, he couldn’t get her to change her profession and she was damn good in her profession, he even consoled her when she had a bad day. They did have ground rules though, which entailed that she won’t be spending the weekends with her clients. Well! I guess it worked for them and most importantly it was a movie. However, I learnt that some movies are actually produced based on people’s personal experience or true life stories.

I am not sure men with all their egocentric characteristics find it appealing to date a prostitute; however it is very appealing for them to cheat. Pardon me guys! I don’t mean to judge you, am just merely stating a fact. I have once asked the following questions: why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Why do people cheat in relationships?  And the answers I got on Facebook was really fascinating, a friend said I was philosophical with regards to the question on why do men cheat, I guess the society feels it is normal for a man to cheat and the answer to the question on why women cheat were as follows; she has no value, she is a slut and so on. Why the harsh judgment on women?

There are a billion and one reasons why people cheat or possibly an uncountable number of excuses to support their action. For men, the major reason is that men are polygamous in nature: whatever that means! And I bet they would say women are monogamous in nature!  Great!

The real question now remains; how does a man or a woman feels when their partner is unfaithful? I guess nobody is overly generous that they won’t feel bad when it happens. Most spouses who have found themselves in that situation feel their trust has been betrayed, some find it very difficult to take the cheating spouse back and that is in circumstances where the cheating spouse returns. As we all know, trust is an integral part of every relationship, the moment trust is missing the relationship is standing on a very shaky and slippery ground. Trust me cheating spouses almost and always tell lies to cover their tracks.

Some spouse respond by cheating just to cause the same type of pain the other has caused or inflicted on him/her. Others get so battered that they become under the illusion that something must be definitely wrong with them; their self-esteem becomes so low that it can be described as nonexistent.  Some people react by turning to food to comfort them from that pain that there are no longer desirable by their partners. I guess they eventually become miserable, dejected and depressed…

To be continued.

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More antidotes to having a long lasting relationship with your spouse

Another secret to preserving a relationship between spouses is perseverance, most couples are not determined to keep the vow of ‘till death do us part’ Most couples would rather say till lack of funds part us or till the issue of barrenness’ do us part. Perseverance is a key to having a long-lasting relationship with your spouse, once a spouse can develop the spirit of determination, in addition to love the marriage would last for a life time. Trust is another component that helps in preserving relationships, when there is a distrust lurking around in a marriage it comes with suspicion, back biting, jealous rage and a lot of other factors which would eventually lead to the end of such union.  Further, another factor that can help build a long-lasting relationship which previously existed is the ability to be open to corrections in a relationship, as well as the ability of the spouse correcting to do so with love and understanding and not with malice and insults. Spouses that are open to corrections always have the best relationships because they are always seeking ways to improve their skills in all spheres of the relationship, be it in matters of sex or matters of food or matters of finances.  As we all know it relationships with our spouse is hard work and the only way we can keep our relationship is by maintaining it and sustaining it by what we do or say.  Spouses must cultivate the habit of listening to each other, taking corrections, understanding when the going gets tough rather than bailing out. Spouses must enter into a marriage union with the mentality that it is for better or worse and not with a prenuptial agreement in the event of separation. The anticipation of separation is proof that you are marrying the wrong person. The mindset that there is a door out of the marriage if things don’t work out shows that you never intended to have a long and lasting relationship in the first place. It is profound that relationships are not all rosy and there are times when it would be surrounded by thorns but it is our ability to look past the thorns that preserves our relationship.  In sum every long-lasting relationship between spouses is characterized by love and perseverance amongst other. So, next time you say to your spouse ‘I love you’ make sure you mean it.

Cheers!