Tag Archives: women

The Mystery behind relationships

Hi guys, it has been ages since I wrote and I feel very guilty about it, the words kept coming, the right topics kept  passing by but I could not squeeze out time to put my thoughts in paper. Although the idea kept on taunting me but as we all know no one has time except we create it. I was once told that no one knows what goes on between a man and a woman who are behind closed doors. I verily believe that  different relationships have different strategies which makes it grow into a success story.

Love is  the key that open perfect doors in our relationship, for love is like a plant that must be cared for, it must be protected and it must be fed, it must be provided with sunlight and water to blossom and grow into an ageless beauty. In all of my years on the face of this earth and in all my interactions with old couples one thing remain constant in finding the secret to a long and lasting relationship and that is determination. Most times, we wonder what a tall and handsome saw in a woman whom we perceive to be ugly. We wonder if a young and beautiful woman married an old rich man for his money and not for the mere fact that she finds happiness with him or that he makes her laugh. Now we keep on wondering and the relationship keeps on growing and that is the mystery behind relationships. It is a function of both parties and not a function of what third parties think. You know some people will never marry a person who has not been scrutinized and approved by friends as if it is their friends that will become their bed mates and companion.

Nevertheless, we are the only ones who know why we choose that fat and short lady or that old man  for no one truly knows why we choose the partners we ended up with, no one knows if it was just out of frustration and the fact that one has given up on true love or prince charming or the angelic beauty men imagined to spend the rest of their lives with. That woman who has the perfect shape, who is soft spoken, who does no wrong, who is a chef in the kitchen and who has mastery of the sexual skills which can make a man smile for days unend. A woman who never demands for gifts or material stuffs, a woman who never demands for your time but always lovingly and willingly accepts you when you come to her. Well, now that’s some fairy tale which I truly don’t know if it exists in the real world as challenges will always bring out the worse and the best in us, it will push us in relationships to do unspeakable things and to do the best things in life.   Same goes for women, are we getting into a relationship with anyone just because we can’t seem to find the right man or we have lost hope on our childhood dreams of meeting that special man who may not be necessarily good looking but who treats us right, who goes an extra mile to serve us as his princess or who cherishes us and practically worships the ground we walk on.

In all these cases, one should never give up on his or her dream of finding the “one” or getting that person that suits our taste, completes our dream and most importantly gives us joy in all areas of our life for that is truly the mystery behind good relationships for it matters not what the world thinks as longs as that is the woman or man for you, go ahead and be a couple.


What women really want



I was accused of not writing on ‘what women really want’ the male folks attributed their accusations to the fact I am a woman and I assume that everyone knows what women want. I promised to write on what women really want. But before I delve into this topic, I would like to say Ramadan Kareem to the Muslims. However, I noticed that the prices of food have been increased due to the Ramadan season. It makes me wonder when Nigerians would stop being opportunists. Is this obtainable in other parts of the world? Have the prices of food in Countries  where Muslims observe Ramadan been increased as well?  Please I need comments on this issue.

What women want is quite simple and uncomplicated contrary to what most men would like to believe. Women love and crave for comfort. They want to have the best of the world, designer shoes, designer bags, designer dresses, wrist watches, jewelry, exotic cars, a magnificent house, choicest holiday resort, enough money to cook great meals and a good and reliable man. Hmmm!!!!

I read a joke yesterday which made me laughed so hard,  briefly put the joke was about a lady who  was asking for way too much as her birthday gift from her “boyfriend” She wanted Brazilian hair, designer shoes, designer bags and the likes. The “supposed boyfriend” absconded after being presented with the birthday list.

Despite that joke, we must know that women are wonderful beings that can multiply whatever you can give them.  For instance give a woman a house and she turns it into a home. Thus, if the whole package of being comfortable that is having all the enumerated designer stuff  or normal basic stuff comes with a man, then a woman is more than satisfied. Women also love attention and affection, they love communication as well.  I am of the opinion that one of the greatest causes of nagging is lack of communication. When a man fails to communicate with his woman it results to incessant nagging as all form of understanding from that woman evaporates. Women should also realize that men cannot multi task like women and therefore find it difficult to manage communication over a period of time. (It will amaze you to know that some men are damn good in communication) You may ask what about  women who are not materialistic and who are independent enough to provide for their  needs.  Well, such women desires affection and attention, since they have the money to take of their needs. They desire companionship. Women were created to help men and this purpose pushes the desire in women want to fix things all the time. Women   also want to look good all the time but not all women want designer stuffs,  however all women want is a good man who can provide for them and be as strong as a rock in times of their need.



Traditional marriage vs. Church marriage: The best option (Part 2)

Although both church and traditional marriages are marriages, most educated people prefer to be married under the Act or to be married in an accredited church because they feel church marriage or marriage under the Act is more superior to traditional marriages. This is not far from the truth as most women have better rights in the event of dissolution of marriage under the Marriage Act or in the event of death of their husband. On the other hand, men have better rights under native law and custom, as most native laws and customs in Nigeria are known to favour men to a very large extent. For instance, a man married under the native law and custom of his people has the right to marry a second wife and even a third wife or fourth wife if he so chooses. The custom of his people are in full support of such behavior, while a man married under the Act is es-topped by the Act from marrying a second wife when he is still validly married to the first wife. Further, a man married under the native law and the custom of his people need not share his property into two equal parts when he chooses to be separated from his wife. He can tell her to leave his house with no means of livelihood or no sort of maintenance especially when the woman in question bore him no children. However, this sort of treatment is not allowed under the marriage Act, hence it is advisable for women to marry under the marriage Act which is the cheapest form of marriage but the most expensive and most stressful to dissolve. Marriage under the Act does not necessarily require a woman to put a wedding dress as she could simply wear a gown, native attire or a suit depending on her taste. So, if a man is dreading the expenses of having a lavish church wedding after expending resources on his traditional marriage, he can simply take that lovely lady to the marriage registry and forgo the ceremonies of an elaborate church wedding. Finally, ladies the importance of marriage under the Act cannot be over emphasized and rather than postponing the marriage under the Act for the simple reason that you want your church wedding to be the best societal wedding, my simple advise is that you protect your rights as a wife and opt for a marriage under the registry depending on the means of your husband or your family.

To cheat or not to cheat: Cheating spouses in relationships ( cont’d)

If you just found out that your spouse of many years is cheating, has been cheating or has cheated on you, what would you do? I guess you might for one tiny moment contemplate revenging by being confrontational, by letting the other party know you are aware or by even cheating on your spouse and telling them you did same. However, upon seeing the expression on their face, we wish we never took that route, we would wish we never took that approach.

My candid opinion remains; we should deal with our pain and disappointments we should never hide in that shell of cheating, eating excessively, being violent, being nasty, etc. Or the guilt trip route, wondering what we did wrong that made the other person found solace in the arms of another man or woman. Frankly, some spouses cheat even when their partner has never attempted to make them cheat by acting in a particular way.

We should  learn to appreciate ourselves for who we are even when strive to improve upon ourselves, because some people have the tendency to cheat no matter what type of beautiful relationship they find themselves in, you won’t believe this but some men or women have cheated on their spouses all their lives. This is not because they do not love their spouse, but because they are not strong enough to resist the lure of having sex outside their relationship.

Some spouses cheat to make themselves better, they cheat to boost their ego, they cheat to be appreciated they cheat because they want to be desired by another person, they cheat because they are no longer attracted to their spouse, they cheat because they feel the new person is much better than their previous spouse, they cheat because they want to have it all. At this point I must state it emphatically and categorically that I am not justifying cheating or condoning cheating, all I am trying to do is give us an insight as to why spouses cheat. It is complicated and complex to proffer all the reasons why spouses cheat in relationships, but this are some of the basic reasons. As the saying go different strokes for different folks.  To be candid, we should learn to appreciate and know ourselves better, this would reduce that tendency to cheat and make us faithful come what may, relationships are meant to be worked on, and if you can’t have a good relationship with yourself, it is extremely difficult to have a good relationship with others.



To cheat or not to cheat: Cheating spouses in relationships!

Last night I watched a movie titled ‘The girlfriend experience’ which sparked the desire to write on cheating spouses. The movie was about a high-class prostitute who strived to create a relationship with her clients, she tried to be what they wanted her to be, said what they wanted to hear, and did what made them happy. The most amazing part of the story was that she was in a relationship with a man who knew she was a prostitute. They actually lived together and this got me wondering, how is he taking it? How does he cope with the thought that the woman he loves and has sex with also have sex with multiple men in a day?  My speculations were simple, maybe to the prostitute it was just a job, to the man he was supportive and he let her do what she wanted to do. perhaps, he met her as a prostitute and fell in love with her, but couldn’t change it, he couldn’t get her to change her profession and she was damn good in her profession, he even consoled her when she had a bad day. They did have ground rules though, which entailed that she won’t be spending the weekends with her clients. Well! I guess it worked for them and most importantly it was a movie. However, I learnt that some movies are actually produced based on people’s personal experience or true life stories.

I am not sure men with all their egocentric characteristics find it appealing to date a prostitute; however it is very appealing for them to cheat. Pardon me guys! I don’t mean to judge you, am just merely stating a fact. I have once asked the following questions: why do men cheat? Why do women cheat? Why do people cheat in relationships?  And the answers I got on Facebook was really fascinating, a friend said I was philosophical with regards to the question on why do men cheat, I guess the society feels it is normal for a man to cheat and the answer to the question on why women cheat were as follows; she has no value, she is a slut and so on. Why the harsh judgment on women?

There are a billion and one reasons why people cheat or possibly an uncountable number of excuses to support their action. For men, the major reason is that men are polygamous in nature: whatever that means! And I bet they would say women are monogamous in nature!  Great!

The real question now remains; how does a man or a woman feels when their partner is unfaithful? I guess nobody is overly generous that they won’t feel bad when it happens. Most spouses who have found themselves in that situation feel their trust has been betrayed, some find it very difficult to take the cheating spouse back and that is in circumstances where the cheating spouse returns. As we all know, trust is an integral part of every relationship, the moment trust is missing the relationship is standing on a very shaky and slippery ground. Trust me cheating spouses almost and always tell lies to cover their tracks.

Some spouse respond by cheating just to cause the same type of pain the other has caused or inflicted on him/her. Others get so battered that they become under the illusion that something must be definitely wrong with them; their self-esteem becomes so low that it can be described as nonexistent.  Some people react by turning to food to comfort them from that pain that there are no longer desirable by their partners. I guess they eventually become miserable, dejected and depressed…

To be continued.